You’ve been dissed. Jenko, Zook: Dude! Are you alright?

Captain Dickson: Easy, bitch.

Mercedes: Hm. Mercedes: This is so boring, no one’s getting shot. I’m going to give you an out by punching you in the face, okay? [after the dinner with their parents Maya and Schmidt return to her room] Maya: Doug! Jenko: Yoh, this is the best thing ever!

Don’t leave me out here! Schmidt: We have to stop treating this like it’s exactly the same as last time. [Schmidt and Jenko find Ghost and his goon standing by the helicopter waiting to take them off] [the waiter dishes out some beans onto his plate] Yes. Schmidt: Slam. Look! Uh, Zeta, I don’t know if you’re thing, but I thought, you know, you could come by and meet the guys, it’d be really fun. Captain Dickson: Every time he say that shit, that’s another foot in your ass! Jenko: You got to jump!
I was fine, I had it… Mrs. Dickson: How did you two meet? Faster, now! Dickson: "No, you dumb motherf***er, WiFi"Schmidt: "Play on, player."Capt. [Jenko is still holding his head in the water as Zook continues to count] We're like Rihanna and Chris Brown. You die. Football Game Announcer #1: McQuade crosses. Zook: Dude, I’m so fucking pumped that you’re going to be on this team, bro. Mercedes: I don’t even like you! But we want it, we want it to be actual food, so that it like makes sense with the game. MCS Coach: No! Yeah. Sure. We're Jump Street and we're about to jump in your ass. Schmidt: Or maybe we had a far more elaborate plan. Jenko: You got the same? Uh, it was Dora, and Diego and Swiper. Alright? Schmidt: I can’t get in. Don’t come in! Jenko: I’m not ahead of ourselves, it’s right next to us. Captain Dickson: Two little fucking string beans. Kenny Yang: I don’t want to die. You managed to unfuckup the situation you originally fucked up.

Maya: Doug? Maya: God. [to each other]

Schmidt: Yeah. Deputy Chief Hardy: Get the fuck out of my office. [as they both have the same thought Jenko and Schmidt turn to each other] This is… Jenko: Are you sure? [Schmidt gets two more text messages from Dickson] Zook: Dude, you could make it into the annals of football history too. Schmidt: That’s the one motherfucking thing you were supposed to remember. Shit. Schmidt: You got to interlock it though. “What up, “Doug”?” Jenko: Oh, my God! [to Jenko as he touches his shoulder pads] He just got some new glasses, man. You have the fucking tracking device, I don’t have it. Captain Dickson: I want some fucking deviled eggs! Dickson: Somebody's cooking up a new drug. We got to pay for this shit, we need results! [suddenly Mercedes appears from behind with her gun pointed Dickson’s neck] Maya: I’m never going to make any money, so don’t tell my parents. Keith Yang: Oh, really? Schmidt: And the dealers check out the books. [to his pilot] Jenko: Hey Schmidt! Schmidt: [voice] It’s inking in my mouth! Jenko: Ha-ha! [as the coach watches Jenko play] [the Yangs turn and leave the room], Schmidt: Maybe this is a good thing. Jenko: Fuck!

Scarface: We got to go. Zook: Holy shit!

Schmidt: Dude, we’re even about that arm thing, okay? Jenko: Dude, I have had that exact vision like my entire life. Maya: Mercedes? I ain’t going no where with you. Maya: Hey, Maya Angelou. Mercedes: Fucking learn how to hit! One less crackerass crackhead to worry about. [as they head towards the stadium] Look alive! Jenko: You’re the smart person, you get the track device shit, that’s your domain.
Just get the fuck out. Schmidt: The stairs are so much faster.

The tattoo? Schmidt: When I talk to your parents tonight I will not tell them about your major.

[realizing Jenko is being serious] Jenko: So look, I just wanted to say that I was thinking about the case, and I was worried they got the wrong guy for you.

Captain Dickson: Don’t do it, leatherface!


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